| I
have been doing self-portraits for over 15 years. About 5 years ago
I started having a different regard for my changing body. I was quickly
approaching middle age as well as dealing with my feelings of my photographer
husband photographing other women nude.
On top of these feelings, I also
was dealing with great confusion over my younger sister having a bunch
of plastic surgery done on a body I thought was perfectly beautiful.
I started documenting my body in a literal and stark way, just to watch
it change. I needed to come to terms with the changes.
Then one day my photographer
husband asked me to start posing for him in the role of different women
for a project about himself that he was producing. Being a photographer
myself, I wanted to participate in his project to help him but after
a few sessions it brought up many emotions for me.
I have always dealt with a lack
of confidence in myself and my body, and playing the role of different
women kind of drove my lack of confidence to a new place. And, it actually
made me questions all of my selves - the self-conscious self vs. the
confident self. Occasionally putting on a wig let me be loose with all
of my ideas and thoughts.
Was I myself "okay"
as I was? Did I need to change my body? Why did my younger sister feel
the need to change her body? Why are so many women not happy with themselves?
Does my husband love me as I am? Who are these other women he is photographing?
Am I happy with myself? And the list went on and on.
I realized that I no longer could
only document my body in a stark and literal way, but also I needed
to photograph my emotions, my relationship, and my many selves. |