Aramitha Holland, age 19, Buffalo, NY, May 13, 2004 Robin Bowman

Aramitha Holland, age 19 I killed somebody. My boyfriend cheated on me and I found out. I went to the house to speak to the girl but it didn’t happen how I intended. I didn’t get to speak and I shot her and she died. I was sixteen. I really can’t express how I felt at that moment because it’s kind of hard to remember exactly. But I know I was stuck. I was in shock. I never meant for it to happen so when it did happen, when the gun went off, I was stuck. I was surprised. That was never my intention. I just blanked out. I was pregnant when I got locked up. I lost the baby. Miscarriage, stress, not having the proper medical care. This might sound crazy, but I think God did it for a reason, because my boyfriend’s locked up now. I’m locked up. What would we have done for the baby? But I do want a family. I want to get married, I want two kids. My earliest memories is of my mother being an addict and having to try to raise myself. Ever since I’ve been locked up she’s been clean and I’m very proud of her. Life in prison sucks. Every day is hard for me, because every day I wake up not wantin’ to wake up where I’m at. You have a lot of people here who just don’t give a fuck about nothin’. They just always want to start trouble with you. You have a lot of officers that care, but you have a lot of them which are just plain old assholes. They look at you like you’re not human. Killing that girl bothers me a lot. I feel bad and that’s something I’m gonna have to live with every day of my life. I ask God every day for forgiveness. It’s not nothing that I’m proud of, but I can’t change it.