April Collins, age 19, Springfield, MO, July 1, 2004 Robin Bowman

April Collins, age 19 Well, the weirdest thing that happened to me, that changed my life, was that I went to rehab after using drugs for a long period of time and I’ve been clean and sober after about a year and a half now. My mother was an addict… My earliest memory was when I was five and my mother stuck the meth needle in my arm. She wanted me to clean the house. That’s all she would tell me… It hurt. It felt like a big rush of adrenaline going through my body. When I got older I started using everyday… I started getting into other stuff like crack and heroin and pot… I started drinking when I was old enough to hold the bottle, I was about two… I got it from my mother. I gave it up because there’s got to be something better out there than drugs and alcohol… Pat, from The Rare Breed youth outreach center, she found me upstairs in The Missouri Hotel lying on my bathroom floor unconscious with a needle in my arm. I was told either give it up or die, so I gave it up. I feel healthier, I feel better… The toughest thing for me about being a teenager is, most kids my age drink or use and it’s hard to find friends my age who don’t. I guess you can say it’s very upsetting because I don’t get to hangout with kids my age. I’ve been raped many times, by babysitters, and neighbors. I guess I was just a target for it. I know it wasn’t my fault; the person who did it is a very sick and twisted person. It has taken years of counseling to get me to say it that way, though. I don’t really feel angry at them… the way I think about it, though, yes, they may have hurt me, but at least it was me and not someone who couldn’t handle it. I have a little brother… we’re very close to each other; we grew up together. In foster care he wouldn’t listen to the foster parents, he would only listen to me… Whenever they would split us up we would always run away and meet up with each other and take off. I’m going to be a new mom, it’s kind of scary. It confuses me and I’m afraid I might mess up… I’m due tomorrow… The father found out I was pregnant and said, “That’s your problem,” and took off… He wasn’t ready for a kid. Everything happens for a reason… The baby is a girl. I’m going to name her Serenity Rose. I ‘m keeping my baby because I’m clean and I’m sober and I’m finally doing good for myself. I want a better life for my family, not necessarily more money, but a better life. I don’t want to live like I used to, dirty house, dirty clothes, never having enough to eat. I’m most afraid that I will end up like my mother. She’s probably dead in a gutter somewhere for all I know. I haven’t seen her since I was seven, and I don’t want to end up like her. Just say no, seriously, just say no to drugs. My biggest dream is to go around high schools around the USA—schools, not just high schools—and tell them the true story behind the story about drugs and alcohol.